The worst is over and now a survey...

Advanced Global Personality Test Results Extraversion 30% Stability 53% Orderliness 50% Accommodation 76% Interdependence 56% Intellectual 83% Mystical 50% Artistic 30% Religious 10% Hedonism 63% Materialism 50% Narcissism 50% Adventurousness 36% Work ethic 63% Self absorbed 36% Conflict seeking 30% Need to dominate 36% Romantic 56% Avoidant 76% Anti-authority 50% Wealth 23% Dependency 50% Change averse 50% Cautiousness 70% Individuality 36% Sexuality 56% Peter pan complex 63% Physical security 76% Physical Fitness 57% Histrionic 36% Paranoia 70% Vanity 23% Hypersensitivity 76% Female cliche 16%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
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All I can say is sorry for laying all this heavy shit on you guys. I am okay if you don't want to be friends/hang out anymore, or if you just want time to adjust... whatever you need. I know it's made things weird and that was my fear. I hope we can work it out and still be friends... sorry.

Jen Gee is always fucking right.

Damn the torpedoes... Full speed ahead!!

The die is cast and the adventure has started.... Let's see where it leads us.

The weight is lifting and I am feeling better. The beer will stay in the fridge tonight. It's all good.

A quote for how I am feeling...

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."-- Reinhold Niebuhr

I may need to work a bit on the third part of that quote...

One more, again not my own

Once, when I was young and true,Someone left me sad -Broke my brittle heart in two;And that was very bad.
Love is for unlucky folk,Love is but a curse.Once there was a heart I broke;And that, I think, is worse.

Poetry, but not my own

When you're away, I'm restless, lonely,
Wretched, bored, dejected; only
Here's the rub, my darling dear,
I feel the same when you are here.

Damn Wise woman

Damn wise woman just had to go off to Kelowna for god knows how long. How am I supposed to help other people if I haven't fixed my own problems. Hmmm.... Didn't think anyone would have an answer for that... Calm blue ocean, calm blue ocean.... SERENITY FUCKING NOW!!!!

ahh that's better.

More survey fun courtesy of Blaise

(Click here to post your own answers for this meme.)

✓ I miss somebody right now.	× I don't watch much TV these days.	✓ I own lots of books.
✓ I wear glasses or contact lenses. (only when I have to.)	✓ I love to play video games.	× I've tried marijuana.
✓ I've watched porn movies.	× I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.	✓ I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
✓ I curse sometimes.	× I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.	× I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.

* * * * *

× I have broken someone's bones.	✓ I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.	× I hate the rain.
✓ I'm paranoid at times.	× I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.	✓ I need/want money right now.
✓ I love sushi.	✓ I talk really, really fast.	× I have fresh breath in the morning.
× I have long hair.	× I have lost money in Las Vegas.	✓ I have at least one sibling.
✓ I was born in a country outside of the U.S. (canaduh)	× I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.	× I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
✓ I like the way that I look.	× I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months.	× I am usually pessimistic.
✓ I have a lot of mood swings.	× I think prostitution should be legalized.	× I slept with a roommate.
✓ I have a hidden talent.	× I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.	× I have a lot of friends.
× I have pecked someone of the same sex.	✓ I enjoy talking on the phone.	✓ I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
× I love to shop and/or window shop.	× I'm obsessed with my Xanga or Livejournal. (do blogthings count)	× I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
× I have a mobile phone.	× I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months. (not in the last 6 months)	✓ I've rejected someone before.
✓ I currently like/love someone.	✓ I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.	✓ I want to have children in the future.
✓ I have changed a diaper before.	× I've called the cops on a friend before.	× I'm not allergic to anything.
✓ I have a lot to learn.	✓ I am shy around the opposite sex.	× I'm online 24/7, even as an away message.
× I have at least 5 away messages saved.	✓ I have tried alcohol or drugs before.	× I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.
× I own the "South Park" movie. (just some of the shows)	× I have avoided assignments at work/school to be on Xanga or Livejournal.	× I enjoy some country music.
✓ I would die for my best friends. (Would have, these new ones seem to be working out though)	× I'm obsessive, and often a perfectionist.	× I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
✓ I think Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.	× I have dated a close friend's ex.	✓ I am happy at this moment. (somewhat)
× I'm obsessed with guys.	✓ Democrat. (sometimes)	✓ Republican. (sometimes)
✓ I don't even know what I am.	× I am punk rockish.	× I go for older guys/girls, not younger.
× I study for tests most of the time. (rarely)	× I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.	× I can work on a car.
✓ I love my job(s).	✓ I am comfortable with who I am right now.	× I have more than just my ears pierced.
× I walk barefoot wherever I can.	✓ I have jumped off a bridge.	× I love sea turtles.
× I spend ridiculous amounts of money on makeup.	✓ I plan on achieving a major goal/dream.	✓ I am proficient on a musical instrument.
× I hate office jobs. (done them, they could be worse)	× I went to college out of state.	× I am adopted.
✓ I am a pyro. (sometimes)	× I have thrown up from crying too much.	× I have been intentionally hurt by people that I loved.
✓ I fall for the worst people.	× I adore bright colours.	✓ I usually like covers better than originals. (depends)
× I hate chain theme restaurants like Applebees and TGIFridays.	✓ I can pick up things with my toes.	× I can't whistle.
× I have ridden/owned a horse.	✓ I still have every journal I've ever written in.	× I talk in my sleep.
✓ I've often thought that I was born in the wrong century.	✓ I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.	× I wear a toe ring.
× I have a tattoo. (thinking about getting one)	× I can't stand at LEAST one person that I work with.	✓ I am a caffeine junkie. (damn straight, talking about a cola whore!!)
× I am completely tree-huggy spiritual, and I'm not ashamed at all.	✓ If I knew I would get away with it, I would commit at least one murder.	× I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better.
× I enjoy a nice glass of wine with dinner.	× I'm an artist.	✓ I am ambidextrous.
× I sleep with so many stuffed animals, I can hardly fit on my bed.	× If it weren't for having to see other people naked, I'd live in a nudist colony.	× I have terrible teeth.
× I hate my toes.	× I did this meme even though I wasn't tagged by the person who took it before me.	× I have more friends on the internet than in real life. (internet friends are real friends)
× I have lived in either three different states or countries.	× I am extremely flexible.	× I love hugs more than kisses. (depends on who's giving them)
✓ I want to own my own business.	× I smoke.	✓ I spend way too much time on the computer than on anything else.
× Nobody has ever said I'm normal. (somedays I am way too normal)	✓ Sad movies, games, and the like can cause a trickle of tears every now and then.	× I am proficient in the use of many types of firearms and combat weapons. (somedays I would like to be)
✓ I like the way women look in stylized men's suits.	✓ I don't like it when people are unpleased or seem unpleased with me.	✓ I have been described as a dreamer or likely to have my head up in the clouds.
× I have played strip poker with someone else before.	× I have had emotional problems for which I have sought professional help. (not yet....)	× I believe in ghosts and the paranormal.
× I can't stand being alone.	× I have at least one obsession at any given time.	× I weigh myself, pee/poo, and then weigh myself again.
× I consistently spend way too much money on obsessions-of-the-moment.	× I'm a judgmental asshole. (can be at times)	× I'm a HUGE drama-queen.
× I have travelled on more than one continent. (Just europe)	× I sometimes wish my father would just disappear.	✓ I need people to tell me I'm good at something in order to feel that I am.
× I am a Libertarian.	× I can speak more than one language.	× I can fall asleep even if the whole room is as noisy as it can be.
× I would rather read than watch TV.	× I like reading fact more than fiction.	✓ I have pulled an all-nighter on an assignment I was given a month to do.
✓ I have no piercings.	✓ I have spent the night in a train station or other public place. (slept in my truck a few times)	× I have been so upset over my physical gender that I cried.
× I once spent Christmas completely alone because there was a miscommunication on which parent was supposed to have me that night.	✓ There have been times when I have wondered "Why was I born?" and may/may not have cried over it.	× I like most animals better than most people.
✓ I own a collection of retro games consoles.	✓ The thought of physical exercise makes me shiver. (but I still need to do some)	× I have hit someone with a dead fish.
× I am compulsively honest.	× I was born with a congenital birth defect that has never been repaired.	× I have danced topless in front of dozens of complete strangers.
× I have gone from wishing I was a girl to revelling in being a boy to feeling like a girl again in the span of five minutes, and not cared a whit for my actual sex.	× I am unashamedly bisexual, and have different motivations for my desires for different genders.	× I sometimes won't sleep a whole night or eat a whole day because I forget to.
× I find it impossible to get to sleep without some kind of music on.	✓ I dislike milk. (but like chocolate milk)	× I obsessively wash my hands.
× I always carry something significant around with me.	× Sometimes I'd rather wear a wig in day-to-day life than use my own hair.	✓ I've pushed myself to become more self-aware and thereby more aware of others.
× Even though I live on my own I still cry sometimes because I miss my mother.	× I hand wrote all the HTML tags in this document.	✓ I've liked something which a majority of people claimed was either bad or weird.
× I have been clinically dead for a brief period of time.	× Instead of feeling sympathy/empathy with people and their problems, I simply become annoyed. (some days depending on the person too)	× I participate/have participated in auto drag races and won.
× I do not 'get' most comedy acts.	× I don't think strippers are money-greedy or slutty for dancing.	✓ I don't like to chew gum.
✓ I am obsessed with history/historical things and can't wait for someone to build a time machine so I can be the first to use it.	× I can never remember for the life of me where I parked the car.	✓ I had the TEEN ANGST thing going for at least 2-3 years.
✓ I wish people would be more empathic and honest with each other.	× I play Dungeons and Dragons weekly. (I have)	× I love to sing.
× I want to live in my mother's basement when I grow up. (did that then I moved)	✓ I have a custom-built computer.	✓ I want to create a certain someone's babies, even though there's a 0% possiblity of ever achieving it. (I have a list)
× I would be in a relationship with one of my pets if they were human.	× I've gone skinny-dipping.	× I've performed in three plays.
✓ I enjoy burritos.	× I'm Irish and loving it.	✓ I have a thing for redheads. (only some redheads)
× I am a twin!	× Most of the times, I'd rather do something intellectual instead of doing something generically 'fun'.	× Once I set out to finish something, I always stay at it until it is completed before I move on to something else.
✓ I wish there were a way to erase past mistakes.	× I sleep more than 12 hours a day. (i have)	× I wish I could be prouder of what I've accomplished, but it's never enough.
× I need more time to myself. (I have too much time to myself)	× I wish I was more open-minded.	× I hope that I go really prematurely grey.
✓ I download songs from the internet.	× I've just reenacted chapter 58 of Death Note with my best friend.	× I say random things to freak people out.
× I'm still a little mad about the ending of Death Note.	× I love playing Truth or Dare.	× I love listening to slow music, but I hate singing to it.
× Music helps me remember that I am not alone.	× Playing my favorite sport makes me temporarily forget my problems.	✓ I think this survey is particularly long.
× I prefer my LJ friends to my real-life ones.	× I can only hate someone that I love.	× I've ordered an extra two shots of espresso to an Americano at Starbucks.

The wise woman speaks

I got a reply to my email and she said pretty much what I thought she would. But... she did include some questions I should ask myself. Once I have answered these questions I will either step of the edge into this abyss or as she put it RUN... RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!! We will have to wait for work to give me a chance to think again.

more to come?...

Thoughts, Beer and Advice....

Decided when I got home that I should have a beer and do some thinking. Beer is good, but it also tends to take me down the darker roads of thought. And then I came to a place where I haven't been in a long time. Things did not go well the last time I was here. At least I have had only one beer, so there was some light still shining in on my thoughts. I need some advice... but where to get it. Where do wise men go for advice, not that I am anything like a wise man. What kind of resume do wise men need to be a wise man? I think I know where wise men go to get advice. And I have chosen to do the same. I emailed a friend of mine... a trusted friend... a female friend... a wise woman. She isn't awake right now, so I don't expect a reply right away... but at least my thoughts have come out of my head and into the computer. I feel better already, even knowing that what my friend might say, I might not want to hear. Sometimes you just need someone to illuminate what you already know & feel is right.

dammit

You Are A Fir Tree

You love anything beautiful, and you have extraordinary taste. And while it's hard for you to trust, you care deeply for those close to you. You are a social butterfly, and you have many friends. You handle stress well - and you are a master at relaxing after a hard day. Overall, you are modest, talented, unselfish, and very reliable.

What's Your Celtic Horoscope?

Okay one more....

Who Should Paint You: M.C. Escher

Open and raw, you would let your true self show for your portrait. And even if your painting turned out a bit dark, it would be honest.

What Artist Should Paint Your Portrait?

Couldn't resist one more

Your Hair Should Be Blue

Wild, brilliant, and out of control. You're a risk taker with an eye to the future.

What's Your Funky Inner Hair Color?

Your Personality Is Like Acid

A bit wacky, you're very difficult to predict. One moment you're in your own little happy universe... And the next, you're on a bad trip to your own personal hell!

What Drug Is Your Personality Like?

I'm not sure about this one either.

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have medium extroversion. You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party. Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences. But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time." Conscientiousness: You have medium conscientiousness. You're generally good at balancing work and play. When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done. But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it. Agreeableness: You have medium agreeableness. You're generally a friendly and trusting person. But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism. You get along well with others, as long as they play fair. Neuroticism: You have medium neuroticism. You're generally cool and collected, but sometimes you do panic. Little worries or problems can consume you, draining your energy. Your life is pretty smooth, but there's a few emotional bumps you'd like to get rid of. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is high. In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas. You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits. A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

The Five Factor Personality Test

Couldn't Sleep

Your Birthdate: July 6

You tend to be a the rock in relationships - people depend on you. Thoughtful and caring, you often put others needs first. You aren't content to help those you know... you want to give to the world. An idealist, you strive for positive change and dream about how much better things could be. Your strength: Your intuition Your weakness: You put yourself last Your power color: Rose Your power symbol: Cloud Your power month: June

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Your Birth Month is July

Introspective and intense, you tend to be a deep thinker. You are quiet and spiritual - and you have a unique perspective on life. Your soul reflects: Lightness, luck and an open heart Your gemstone: Ruby Your flower: Larkspur Your colors: Green and red

What Does Your Birth Month Mean?

Your Personality Profile

You are elegant, withdrawn, and brilliant. Your mind is a weapon, able to solve any puzzle. You are also great at poking holes in arguments and common beliefs. For you, comfort and calm are very important. You tend to thrive on your own and shrug off most affection. You prefer to protect your emotions and stay strong.

The World's Shortest Personality Test

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart. In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

I have juice now though so my stomach feels better.

I'm tired and my stomach feels ugh. I think I should get some juice tomorrow. So far Coke & Beer haven't helped. Maybe some sleep then some juice will make me feel better. We'll see tomorrow.